“Alright Josh,” I say metaphorically sitting down across from myself.
I ponder the subject of my interview. He sits there, unmoving, like a statue in thought. I wonder what he is thinking about. He looks unkept, but not like the cool unkemptness of a rock star or artist unappreciated in their time. More just like somebody spit-up on the shirt he was wearing earlier that day and the one he is now wearing was simply sitting on a pile of unfolded laundry.
“So what do you want out of life.”
He stares vacantly out the window. Like a house. That is…vacant.
“I don’t know. I want not to worry. I hate worrying. Sometimes I worry about how much I hate worrying. I wish life came with a manual. Of course I would just flip to the end and check the box that says “I have read and understood these instructions” and then put it away. But at least I would know that there is a manual and I could actually read it if I wanted to.”
He bites his fingernails. It is annoying. We are annoyed.
I try to think of a clever question. Something that Shakespeare would ask.
“Whereforto doth thou seeith yourself heading yonder in life”.
I realize that was a nonsense question, this whole thing is nonsense.
He looks back at me thoughtfully. There is a chance that it’s just my own reflection in the bus window. “Anyone can be anything these days and yet the most likely outcome is that we’ll be nobody. But that’s not a bad thing. I think maybe I should just focus on being the best nobody I could possibly be. Maybe that will help somebody”.
I step off the bus and shake my head. I deleted all the social media apps off my phone this past week in an attempt to introduce boredom back into my life. But after being alone with my thoughts for half an hour I wonder if it’s actually safe.